When we grow close to others, there is always the risk – one of us will be the first to go. It doesn’t matter what the usual lifespan is, it can occur to either of us. We are all moving through life at different rates in different locations and different points in time. So, loss is inevitable, and the pain of loss is the risk you accept.
There are many things that can compound the pain of loss, including the sudden nature of a loss, feelings of guilt for not having done something sooner or better that may have helped (including euthanasia) or the feeling of inadequacy, after having done everything within your power and beyond. Another factor can be the pain that children or other animals are experiencing from this same loss. And yet another thing that can compound this pain when the loss is a companion animal is lack of understanding or empathy from others, even unintentionally. Someone wanting to appease your pain may say, “Well, he’s in a better place now.” Or perhaps, “Now he is running free again.” What sounds like a platitude may not be lack of empathy, but a sincere attempt by someone who cares for you to help you feel better. And sometimes, when it is the loss of a “pet”, it is simply a difference in attitudes toward “inter-species companions”. Sometimes the very people who have experienced this type of loss are the ones who do not seem to understand. So, under the burden of the pain of loss, you must also be understanding to others. Loss takes time for adjustment. The immediate experience and the coming days, or even months, will require grappling with the “new normal”, with the gradual awareness that what was once familiar is now slipping from memory. For me, this is another stress of loss: the fear of losing that memory. So, I keep “memory items” to help refresh my memory when I want to reflect. One thing is clear: the closer you grow to your companion, the greater the pain of loss, at any age, under any circumstances, and the experience of loss is very personal.
Humans and animals are not the only ones to develop “interspecies friendships”. There are some charming Youtube videos on other interspecies friendships, such as this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2CFUs5-arA
These videos are primarily with young animals. Perhaps as we age, perhaps we lose, or allow ourselves to lose, capacity for trust or love, and the reason for Matthew 19:14: “But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”
Love enriches our experience on Planet Earth. So, it’s a risk that we take.
Jade and Sylvia
Jade and Sylvia
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