This is a trick question, so think before you answer:


It depends on these circumstances:

1.       Is it a deep dish pie (crust)?
2.       How many Newfs are in the house?
3.       Does your grocery store purchase old inventory to price-compete?

 This is the math:

              Deep dish pie pan = 6 apples
              Add a minimum of one apple per Newf
              Allow for apple source and storage time in the refrigerator, so increase apples by 2

There won’t be leftover apples.  Wash, rinse well, core, trim any bad spots (to decrease patulin) and slice.  If Newf is at your elbow, core another for every 2 Newfs, cut in half and reward Newfs, who will be back as this is called rewards-based training.  Line the pie shell with the apple slices.  Look up the Granny’s Apple Pie recipe and discard most of what you read.  First, use Jonathan instead of Granny Smith apples.  Next, definitely use LOL unsalted butter, but don’t melt the butter.  Cut slices and distribute across the top of the pie.  It will melt without your assistance later.  Pull out a two-cup Pyrex measuring cup, add two heaping tablespoons of organic all-purpose flour.  Measure the brown sugar and the white sugar like Dad made coffee:  Scoop until you’ve met your goal, then add a little extra.  Mix the dry ingredients in the Pyrex measuring cup.  Don’t be afraid to add a little salt if you aren’t on restrictions. Do some jungle gymnastics to get across two Newfs lying between the kitchen and hallway to get your cell phone.  Return in reverse choreography.  Call spouse who is running shopping errands (for more pumpkin since that had only a few months remaining on its 2 or 3 year shelf life, for more Carnation milk since the two cans you bought were precisely 2 weeks and 6 weeks past their Best By date, and wine since that last bottle didn’t last long enough) and ask him to bring more brown sugar.  Now read the directions:  425 for about 15 mins., then 350 for another 45+ minutes.  Close enough.  Remember to put foil on the rack below the pie pan this time.  Set the timer for 15 mins. or wait for the smell, then lower the oven temperature.  Don’t forget to set a timer at this point.  (Most critical step.)

Ahh, how wonderful the house smells when there is an apple pie in the oven!  Maybe it will replace the lingering smell of burned pot roast, my kitchen adventure while Greg was in Colorado last week.  ; )

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